-LRB- CNN -RRB- -- Molly Haskell will always have brotherly love for Ellen Hampton . After all , Hampton was once named John Cheves Haskell Jr. and used to be Haskell 's brother .

Until 2005 , Hampton lived as John -- or , as his family called him , Chevey . That year , he told his sister he had been living with gender dysphoria , which the American Psychiatric Association defines as `` a marked incongruence between one 's experienced/expressed gender and assigned gender . ''

`` This was my 59-year-old brother , '' Haskell said of the revelation in a phone interview . `` He had been this little boy , and all my memories had been of a male . It makes you revisit your whole past . ''

Haskell details the experience with a critical but compassionate eye in her latest book , `` My Brother My Sister . ''

At the time of the announcement , Chevey was married to a woman , Eleanor , and a loving stepdad to their two children .

Hampton , now divorced , lives as a heterosexual female after gender reassignment and facial reconstruction surgeries , hormone therapy and a wardrobe overhaul .

Haskell recently spoke to CNN about her own familial and emotional journey with her transgender sibling . The interview has been edited for clarity and brevity .

CNN : You 've obviously come to terms with Ellen 's decision . What did it take on your part ?

Haskell : First of all , I realized very soon that it 's very overwhelming . I knew I could never say ` do n't do this . ' My brother would have never hurt anyone , so it really told me how powerful the feeling was . Watching her go through it and evolve -- not only was she radiantly happy , but she was completely upfront with it . Seeing how she handled it -- she would talk about it if people wanted to -- showed me this was meant to be .

CNN : Yet , you do candidly write about having unexpected anxiety about the news .

Haskell : I was afraid for her . I was flabbergasted that this was going on . There was shock and apprehension . I had been all for more diversity , and challenging binary roles for male and female behavior , but it did n't somehow include my brother changing sexes .

The one thing is that we are born male or female , and we need those boundaries to rub up against . I think one interesting thing a feminist said to me is that I seem to embrace these binary principles in the book . I do believe there is such a thing as a male and a female ; we need these dichotomies , like good and evil . We make these divides to keep our footing in the world .

The sex we 're born is not immutable , and that is very hard to grasp . You ca n't really call her decision a choice . It 's too painful , too perilous , it has to be an urge that we do n't even have a word for .

CNN : What was your takeaway from Ellen 's journey ?

Haskell : I think a lot of people who are transsexual emphasize the strangeness of it all . For example , the director of `` The Matrix '' Larry Wachowski , who is now Lana Wachowski , has this wild red hair . My sister is so not like that . This book is an attempt to `` unweird '' the whole subject . I think it 's more unnerving to people when the person does just seem so normal , but I do think we have to remember that it 's not that many people .

So much changes , but so much does n't change . You can take hormones to change this , have surgery to change that , but you ca n't change the voice , the hair , the love -- there is a core of self that does n't change .

CNN : How has it been different to have a sister rather than a brother ?

Haskell : It 's wonderful . It 's like I 've gotten two for the price of one . We have differences -- it takes so long for her to get dressed ! We 're just much closer than we 've ever been . It 's hard to say the change has n't made her happier .

At first I thought I 'm really losing a brother . It was like a grief ; a death . But , her happiness is crucial . She 's more open , more gregarious . I think my mother would 've been very , very upset but , in a funny way , Ellen is the kind of person my mother wanted Chevey to be .

CNN : How was it different at age 59 than it might have been earlier ?

Haskell : I think the reason she did n't go through with it before is because there was no acceptance . Why is so much of this happening now ? Because it can . There is a word for it and there are people doing it . This submerged desire finally had a means of being liberated .

CNN : Having Ellen in your life took some adjusting , even in small areas like the correct language , right ?

Haskell : The first time we went out in public , I was very self-conscious and nervous . We went to dinner at an upscale restaurant and the waiter asked how we liked our food . I said , `` Mine is good , but his is fabulous . '' She -LRB- Ellen -RRB- smirked and I smirked .

I would often call her Chevey by mistake when it was just the two of us . And on the phone , the voice is a huge thing that is not improvable . There is no good surgery . When she gets on the phone , I would see her as Chevey , my brother .

Recently , though , I 've stopped doing that . It 's automatically Ellen .

CNN : Ellen initially did n't want you to write the book , but then she changed her mind . Why ?

Haskell : She wished she had this book when she was struggling with it . I wanted it to be her book as much as my book . I think of it as a partnership .

Read an excerpt from `` My Brother My Sister . ''

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Molly Haskell recounts her brother 's transformation into a woman in her new memoir

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Ellen Hampton , formerly John `` Chevey '' Haskell , came out as transgender at age 59

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Hampton had facial reconstruction and gender reassignment surgery

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Haskell says there was emotional fallout , but their relationship stayed close